Comfort, Joy, and …
Coping with Your Emotions with Kindness
Christmas is next week. I love Christmas. I love Christmas so much that when the kids went back to school at the end of August, I immediately started watching Christmas movies. Christmas is my favorite time of the year.
This season of Advent is filled with wonder and contemplation and expectation. This week, the third candle was lit, the pink candle that represents joy.
If I didn’t know peace when I was stuck in my double decade of disordered eating, I surely didn’t know joy. I thought that little dopamine rush when I ate some chocolate was as close as I would get to knowing true peace and true joy. Is this how any addict feels when they turn towards the thing they crave most?
For many years food was my comfort, and it was my joy.
As I learned the framework of Intuitive Eating, some principles were easier for me than others.
Principle 1: Reject the Diet Mentality – easy. I had already started to do that long before I knew what Intuitive Eating was.
Principle 2: Honor Your Hunger – there was a learning curve here for me, I used to feel a certain sense of pride when I was particularly hungry but having the “self-control” not to eat. I had to learn to get back in touch with my hunger cues and to let go of all my preconceived ideas of what to eat and when.
Principle 3: Make Peace with Food – I thought this would be more challenging, but I found this process to be particularly freeing and even fun. That “thing” that I thought was only for the skinny, blonde dietitian that kept popping up on my Instagram, actually was for me, too!
Principle 4: Challenge the Food Police – this was new and challenging. I realized that I was raised with a lot of black or white, all or nothing thinking, and I had to learn how to find neutrality and how to look at food as just that – food! I started to have more self-compassion as I worked through this principle.
Principle 5: Discover the Satisfaction Factor – easy! Even as a new concept, this was fun and there were lots of things to think about, but it didn’t make anything feel more complicated.
Principle 6: Feel Your Fullness – harder! But it’s a work in progress!
And then we got to Principle 7, and I was sure that this was where Intuitive Eating would end for me…
Principle 7: Cope with Your Emotions with Kindness – surely this was an impossible joke?
Back when I learned the framework of Intuitive Eating, Principle 7 was presented to me with this phrasing: “Cope with Your Emotions without Using Food.”
The goal was to consider how you were feeling – pleasant, unpleasant, neutral – and then to decide what you need. If I were feeling sad, I could call a friend. Angry? Go for a walk. Anxious? Journal out my thoughts.
I realized that I could choose food as a coping mechanism, but I quickly learned that the difference between choosing food to cope before IE and choosing food to cope after IE was this:
Before Intuitive Eating, I was controlled by food. After learning the framework of Intuitive Eating, I was in control.
I love that the phrasing for Principle 7 changed from “cope with your emotions without using food” to “cope with your emotions with kindness” because food is comforting, and it is an okay choice.
Food still brings me joy. There are times that I still turn to food for comfort. I am so thankful that God has given us such a variety of delicious and comforting foods for us to enjoy! And I am so very thankful for the freedom that Intuitive Eating has given me to be in control of my food choices.
If you feel like you struggle to cope with your emotions with anything other than food, I’ve been where you are! Head over to my Instagram to find this post on ten ways to care for your emotions while honoring yourself with compassion:
If you’ve been an Intuitive Eater for a while, what tips do you have for coping with your emotions with kindness?
Wherever you’re at, I am believing for hope, peace, and joy for you in this season! Leave a comment and let me know how I can be praying for you in this season <3